


Third Side Of The Coin

by notdavestrider



Series: It Had To Be You (Series) [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Making Up, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:03:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notdavestrider/pseuds/notdavestrider
Summary: Dirk Strider has always been a hopeless romantic, but he had never fallen in love until he met Jake. However, falling in love is the easy part.(Side fic for It Had To Be You. Can be read with or without the original story)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: This is the first mini-fic for the "It Had To Be You (Side-Ships) Series"**  
> 
>    
>  **x** This fic is part of a series but it can be read by itself without the original fic.
> 
>    
>  **x** This is a side fic, which means that the main story doesn't include the details and background provided in this work. If you are interested in reading the whole fic [here's the link.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7899019/chapters/18043840)
> 
>    
>  **x** If you choose to read the main story i recommend you do it before you read this fic since new chapters and mini-fics will show up as the main fic progresses. However it is not estrictly necessary to read them in that order.

**Side 1**

 

 

Life is all about living in the moment.

 

Or that’s what a fortune cookie he got several years ago said.

 

Dirk had bought that cookie with his own money and decided to take it seriously, but mostly because he didn’t have his own concept of life when he was fifteen. And regardless if he didn’t fully understand nor believe on the meaning of those words, they sort of stuck with him for years to come.

 

The thought would ironically pop up in his head from time to time, particularly when he was trying to make a decision and didn’t know what to do, or when he was being sarcastic about his own mistakes.

 

He said life was about living in the moment right before he went down the high school’s longest handrail on his skateboard and made it to the end but broke his leg, and he also said it when he applied for the same college Roxy and Jane did instead of accepting a scholarship for Mechatronic Engineering in Canada because he didn’t want to move away.

 

And maybe surviving the railing fall had been a miracle, and maybe tagging along with friends instead of getting free college was a crazy thing to do... but at the end both of them worked out. He won fifty bucks for surviving the railing maneuver, and he got a different major that he ended up enjoying a lot more than the one he originally wanted.

 

Normally he always prefered to plan ahead and follow his own meticulous instructions, but there was no doubt that his stolen motto seemed to work wonders at times. But only at times. It was a good plan C for when making a decision was too much of a bother, but sometimes it didn’t seem to work at all. Particularly, when it came to things of the heart.

 

Dirk had a hard time following his fortune cookie advice once emotions were involved.

 

The whole ‘falling in love’ thing wasn’t something he could flip a coin for, but not because he didn’t want to. It just never happened to him. He had dated one of his best friends when they were kids and learned he didn’t feel particularly interested in holding hands or kissing. He then found out he didn’t even like girls. Not even one bit. And it sucked, because he thought it would’ve been so nice and easy to just fall in love with one of his two best friends and live happily ever after and not have to worry about “finding the one”.

 

Because for him it had always been about “the one”.

 

Seeing everyone he knew having crushes and gushing over people they liked was both fascinating and upsetting to him while growing up. He was curious. He wanted to experience that. But it seemed like his body didn’t quite “do the thing” where a person you find attractive causes you intestinal and mental distress and apparently you feel happy but upset about it.

 

So he went through his teenage years without experiencing the piercing arrival of cupid’s love arrow, and he wondered why. And it bothered him for the longest time. He had been cursed with the soul of a hopeless romantic, but it was like if his brain just wasn’t able to coordinate locomotor functions and chemical reactions accurately. He knew his sexuality wasn’t in the gray area of the spectrum because he could tell he had a yearning for all of those experiences, but for whatever reason, he just hadn’t felt it the way he always wanted to. 

 

Until him.

 

Until stupidly charming goofball him.

 

Roxy and Jane had mentioned his name a million times before, but Dirk never cared enough to ask them about him. All he knew was that Jake Harley was Jane’s second-cousin and the step-brother of that Jade girl who was friends with Dave. But Dirk never showed any interest in meeting the dude, so neither Jane nor Roxy introduced them during the years they interacted with him only on the internet.

 

But then he moved from the UK to the States. He had applied for a scholarship under Jane’s guidance because he thought studying abroad would be interesting. And that’s where Dirk’s fate was sealed.

 

He met Jake at Jane’s house, the day of their college’s Freshmen Introduction Event. And he felt it from the moment they exchanged glances.

 

It was like being struck by lightning.

 

And he had never been struck by lightning, but he had studied electrostatic discharges and their effects in the atmosphere and in living receptors, so he had an approximate idea of how the heat and magnetic forces would feel and probably even damage his internal organs and nervous system permanently.

 

It was possible that the effects wouldn’t be _exactly_ as staring into the dark green eyes that had been set before him that day, but he was sure it was pretty damn close to that.

 

The day he met him his body and brain just kept acting up. Jane had done the honors and introduced them and broke the ice for him and everything, but Dirk was barely able to articulate one or two monosyllabic responses and nod a lot. Luckily for him, “the English guy” loved talking, and he quickly felt comfortable enough to just ramble about all of the things he could think of.

 

Dirk listened to him almost in complete silence. His accent was evident, but the real quirk were his old-fashioned expressions and words that he would use as part of his every day lingo. They sounded silly most of the time, but they had a charm to it.

 

Although Dirk thought the whole person coming with those strange words had an unusual charm as well. He wasn’t conventionally attractive, like the people in magazines, but there was _something_ about him. Dirk spent entire months trying to figure out what it was exactly, without ever finding out.

 

After some time had passed, he also managed to get over his awkwardness and start interacting with Jake in a more human-like way, slowly developing a friendship he immediately held onto like a life-saver. Because aside of being physically appealing to him, Jake was just a ray of fucking sunshine in every aspect. His silly antics and sense of humor were a delight to have during bad days, and he found comfort in knowing Jake considered him one of his closest friends.

 

Roxy and Jane started dating around that time, so Dirk and Jake would talk every day, even if it was only through texts. They also went out every week, sometimes with the girls and sometimes by themselves.

 

And Dirk was happy.

 

He loved Jake and wanted to be with him all the time, but he told himself just being friends was enough.

 

Sure, he would kill a man with his bare hands if that could change the nature of their relationship, but manslaughter repercussions aside, he was too comfortable and content in the spot they were in. He didn’t want to ruin that.

 

But then, one day, he ruined it.

 

Because he was usually collected and cold-headed, but it was very difficult when Jake was around. He liked planning in detail, and considering all possibilities before doing anything, but he had learned that he was impulsive and reckless under pressure. Specifically, when that pressure came from emotional rushes he had no control of. Emotional rushes he experienced a lot while spending time with Jake.

 

He had thought of telling him about his feelings from day one, but those feelings didn’t have an essence nor a name. Hell, they didn’t even have a logical foundation back then. The logical side of his brain kept reminding him love at first sight couldn’t possibly _be_ a thing.

 

So he waited. And for the next couple years he analyzed himself inside out. And with time, he discovered and pinned down almost every single thing he felt for Jake, and started mapping out the steps necessary for an appropriate courtship.

 

And he did well at first. He managed to let him know he could always count on him, he would constantly support him and listen to him, he even made sure to mention how much he liked the little quirks in his personality that most people didn’t notice. He was sure he was getting somewhere.

 

But then he fucking ruined it.

 

His self-control completely abandoned him in the worst of times.

 

They were in his car, in the middle of the night. He was supposed to just drop him off after going to the movies, but after he parked the car they had just stayed inside and kept talking. At first about the movie, and then about other random things that held no importance whatsoever but that at the same time they apparently couldn’t discuss any other day.

 

And the more they talked, and the more he looked at him, Dirk’s brain started checking off romance tropes from an imaginary list and he couldn’t unsee them afterwards. It was late, and the street was empty. They had just come back from a movie after having a very good time together. They were alone in the car, and Jake was just being ridiculously adorable while elaborating on his favorite bits of the movie and laughing at Dirk’s comments.

 

And so he ruined it.

 

He ignored how the drumming coming from inside his chest got louder once Jake noticed him staring. He did his best not to ask him what he was thinking of when he got quiet too. There was a buzzing in his ears and pit in his stomach. And he just stopped thinking. His hand held onto the backrest of Jake’s seat and used it to pull his body forward.

 

He placed his lips softly against Jake's, holding his breath for the whole five seconds the touch lasted. When he retrieved, he found Jake’s surprised and flustered expression, and a crushing silence that was hard to brush off. Dirk’s fingers clawed onto the backrest as he swallowed painfully, in an attempt to check if his own regular body-functions were still working properly.

 

“Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have done that…” he mumbled.

 

“I’m- It’s not..” Jake tried once and then paused for a second to collect his thoughts. “Holy fucking mackerel, Dirk.” Exactly the kind of immediate response he could have expected. “I hope you don’t think of this as prudish pedantry, but I don’t- I honestly don’t know how to react to this.”

 

“I know, I’m-” Dirk stopped himself and sighed sharply. He didn’t want to make excuses for himself, and the cat was evidently out of the fucking bag. He knew there was no point. So he just went with it. “I really like you, Jake. And I had been meaning to tell you for a while now, but I didn’t know how... Although, to be honest, this is nothing how I pictured it would go.”

 

He made sure not to mention that “the way he pictured it” included a one-week process of hints and gifts that would’ve ended on a walk through the harbor during sunset, where he would have taken his hand and then confess his feelings by recalling that their friendship meant the world to him, but that he had known it was love at first sight from the very beginning.

 

But just stealing a kiss inside his brother’s car in the heat of the moment was fucking great too. A perfect display of mastery in the arts of suaveness. No anticipation, no warming up to serious conversation, not even testing the waters before physical contact. The lingering shock and discomfort were great for a heart-felt love confession too.

 

He wondered if it was too late to just drop him off and drive the car into the harbor.

 

Jake hadn’t said anything else yet. He seemed to be analyzing Dirk’s words as his own expression relaxed little by little. Dirk wanted to think that the fact that he was still there had to mean something. Even if that something was just that he cared about their friendship.

 

Embarrassed, he looked away, but only for a moment. A hand on his cheek pulled his face back to where it was a second before, and by the time he realized how close Jake was, he was already kissing him.

 

If there was a way to represent the emotions and thoughts that took over Dirk in that same instant, it would probably be video footage of a plane crash, a fire truck going by with their sirens on, and an atomic bomb going off. Everything cramped in a five second movie at high speed.

 

He was barely able to return the kiss. He closed his eyes and let his lips answer sloppily for a few seconds, but he didn’t have much more time before Jake pulled back.

 

Dirk was grateful for the darkness in the car because the painful burning on his cheeks told him his face was probably bright red.

 

“Well that was a thing that happened,” he managed to say with an absent voice.

 

“I reckon that what I just did is completely bonkers,” Jake was quick to say. “I apologize if I’m making things more complicated than they already are. I don’t really know what I was trying to achieve by kissing you, but I was just…”

 

“...Living in the moment.” Dirk finished for him, still disoriented but slowly gaining full understanding of the situation.

 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” he hesitated before speaking again. “I don’t know if it was an appropriate response, I hope you are not mad at me. It just felt… right.”

 

Dirk took a few seconds to talk again. His heart was beating hard, he could even feel it in his eardrums. He looked at Jake for what it felt like a whole minute, and then unbuckled his seatbelt and removed it slowly.

 

“I’m gonna try something. Let me know if it stops feeling right.”

 

He held onto the armrest again and placed his free hand on the back of Jake’s neck to pull him closer and kiss him one more time.

 

Jake attempted to say something, but it was right when their lips clashed, muffling the sound completely in the kiss. He didn’t try to escape nor push him away. In fact, just a second later, he was getting rid of his own seatbelt too.

  
Dirk felt like he was about to lose his mind. The world could end right there and he wouldn’t even notice. He couldn’t believe the person wrapping his arms around him and kissing him like he had never been kissed before was no other than “the one”.

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxaW60I-hvA)

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to update the original fic today but it was not possible. I'm flying back home tomorrow and i'll be traveling basically all day and then catching up with life this following week, but I wanted to upload at least something. 
> 
> So here you go. Hope you enjoyed the happy prequel.
> 
> _+++Again, if you like Davekat, you're still on time to catch up with[It Had To Be You.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7899019/chapters/18043840) +++_
> 
> If that's not ur jam that's fine. Hope you enjoy this short Dirkjake. 
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> xo. Ro.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hits you when it's too late, hits you when you're down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.
> 
> Who said Angst?
> 
>    
>  **Sexual Content has skip points, look out for those ******

**Side 2**

 

Maybe he was not “the one”.

It was heartbreaking to say so to himself, but he had been thinking about it for a while now. It just had become a lot more obvious in the past few weeks.

They had been dating for a little more than a year, but things weren’t nearly as nice nor as perfect as Dirk thought they would be.

While the first six months together seemed like a dream when looking back, the reality was that the rest of the relationship had been full of little misunderstandings and occasional arguments that slowly piled up.

And every single problem was more draining than the last.

Dirk admitted a lot of those problems were his fault. No one had told him how difficult it was to be with someone, and especially how _not to be_ with them.

He would get anxious if Jake didn’t text back immediately, he would take it personally if he made plans for the weekend without him, and he felt extremely jealous when he complimented other people, which was something ingrained in Jake’s personality probably since birth.

He had several episodes of uncalled for drama that always ended in Jake shying away or shutting him down, leaving Dirk to harvest the self-loathing he had been cultivating for days to poison him inside.

Before their issues started, he was not aware that he was capable of feeling anything so strongly.

He was surprised to learn how relentlessly his lover blues could drill through his system. Those emotions always came in stronger and more violent waves than any positive feeling he had ever experienced, as if his brain was liberating pathogenic toxins with the purpose of killing him.

His ribcage ached and it burned to breathe, like swimming in frozen water. It was hard to sleep every night, and he didn't have any appetite. Additionally, it was impossible to do any regular activities throughout the day with that feeling of worthlessness crushing him down wherever he went.

And he sure hated himself for starting arguments over nothing, but the times he felt the most unlovable were the times he didn’t do anything. When Jake’s interest and mood shifted, and instead of just being confused and tired of his insecurities, he would just avoid him completely… unprovoked.

 

Like the times he wouldn’t answer calls and texts until days later with the excuse that he was busy, but Dirk would then find out that he had been texting Roxy and Jane about mundane things. Or that day when Dirk bought tickets for a music festival and Jake just told him to invite someone else because he didn’t quite “get” that kind of music, although Dirk remembered him mentioning he wanted to go. Or the dozen times when Dirk’s “I love yous” were echoed by his lips, but he didn’t even look at him when they did.

It eventually took a toll on Dirk, who began second-guessing himself and digging through Jake’s social media to try to find any indication that _he_ was the problem. Most of the times it was just his paranoia and nothing else, but he did wince once or twice because of a passive aggressive status or a resentful quote posted somewhere.

But none of the worst hints ever hurt him as much as that one text did.

Out of the blue, on a Sunday in the middle of the night.

Please forgive me, Dirk. I can’t do this anymore. This is just too much. I hope you can understand.

It was like pure acid being directly shot up into his bloodstream. His hands started shaking as he tried to type.

What do you mean? 

Are you breaking up with me through text? 

Come on Jake, don’t do this

Talk to me

But he didn’t.

He didn’t talk to him that day. Or the next. Or the week after that.

Dirk tried to find him in school, but the campus was too big and apparently Jake had done his best to avoid all the places where he usually hung out with friends. That, or maybe he just wasn’t going to school at all.

He also seemed to be hiding from Roxy and Jane for a while, maybe afraid to know they hated him for breaking up with Dirk.

But once their friends stopped trying to convince Jake to talk things out, he started talking to them again, living his life normally like nothing happened. Like Dirk didn’t happen.

And Dirk felt like he was losing his goddamn mind.

It was not even the breakup or the feeling of not being worth loving what was killing him inside. It was being cut off completely by his best friend, being left alone to rot by his so-called soul mate. It was the fact that _he could have died_ for him any second, but he had disposed of him like a pair of old jeans.

How was he so meaningless to him?

Was he really that hard to love? That easy to forget?

 

____

And so the worst three weeks of his life just happened, in the blink of an eye.

He tried to go on with his normal life after he stopped being in denial, but the first day he did, he snapped at people several times or didn’t answer to them at all in fear of triggering a more emotional reaction.

After that day, he was absent from school for a whole week because apparently he couldn’t keep his shit together for longer than an hour.

During that time, he also had a confrontation with his older brother because he asked too many questions, and he left Roxy hanging out with Dave in the living room the one time she visited him because he couldn't stand being in people's company for too long.

Everything was just too much.

But once he passed the Crashing and Burning stage, he moved on to the Drowning one.

It was still a slow and painful kind of death, but without the screaming.

He was able to go back to school and talk to people again, even if it was against his will. Even if his insides still crumbled.

Whenever he wasn’t in class, he would hide in the library with his phone. Whenever he wasn’t in school, he would lock himself in his bedroom to work on his many personal projects. Whenever he had to interact with people, he gave short answers or head movements as his only responses.

It was all he could do.

His brain had shut down and left the auto-pilot mode on. He didn’t know how to cope. He didn’t know what to do.

He had devoted three years of his life to his friendship and love for Jake Harley, and from one day to another, he was no longer a part of that life. Kaput. Gone. Like if he had left the planet.

Dirk had never felt more lonely in his whole life.

And after some time passed, Jake tried to interact with him again. Which was the opposite of an improvement, really.

Jake would now acknowledge him hanging around and tagging along with their friends, but he made no attempt to put him out of his misery. He treated him like a casual friend he barely knew. And it sucked.

Dirk found out not hearing from him was actually easier than witnessing how he tried to sweep their relationship under the carpet for his own and other people’s comfort.

So now _he_ started avoiding him.

And after learning Jake thought he was being overdramatic for not getting over the break up —something he overhead during one of Roxy’s parties— he also decided to let himself heal with the sole purpose of proving him wrong.

His resentment had renewed his ego and helped to put him back together. It boosted his determination to get over it as soon as possible.

No more wishing and waiting for him to come back.

Even if he suddenly decided to come back the next week.

Which he did.

\----

If Dirk had known that Jake would show up at his door that day, he probably would’ve pretended not to be home.

But since he was coming back from the univesity, and Bro was picking up Dave from school, he had no way of avoiding it. When he exited the elevator, he found him waiting outside his apartment.

Dirk stopped dead in his tracks.

Jake was standing before the door like if he was trying to find the courage to ring the bell. When he heard the elevator’s ‘ting!’ he turned around and looked understandably surprised.

“Oh… good evening, Dirk.”

Dirk only looked at him for a second, before he got past him and started trying to open the door with his key.

“Can I help you with anything?” he asked without a trace of real curiosity. “Before giving your definite answer, please keep in mind I would prefer it if you said ‘no’ and left right now.”

He opened the door and turned to look at him, like a warning that he was about to step inside whether he had something to say or not.

“I talked to Dave,” Jake blurted out, aware that he only had one shot to keep him listening.

Needless to say, Dirk had no immediate response to those words.

“...what?”

It came as a surprise that Dave had taken the initiative of contacting Jake, but the simple fact that they had talked was shocking by itself. Dirk was more than aware that Dave didn’t like his ex-boyfriend one bit.

“It was last week, at Roxy’s beach party,” Jake was quick to reply. “I guess ‘talk’ isn’t the right word… more like, he scolded me for what I said about you. He also boot me for that, but I guess you already knew that.”

Now that made a lot more sense.

“No, I didn't know…” Dirk said. And he meant it. “I’m sorry Dave kicked you, though.”

But he didn’t mean that.

He did hear from Roxy that there had been a minor commotion after he left the party, but he had no idea it had been sponsored by his own brother and his ex.

Now that he thought about it, Roxy and Jane never mentioned anything about what happened once he left that night, but he had guessed it was because they didn't want to remind him of Jake and the things he said.

Dave would have never told him either, but because it was unlike him to start shit on the first place. He was probably embarrassed about it.

Realizing how his loved ones were looking out for him even in secret made him weak con the knees. He was deeply moved and forever grateful.

“It's okay, I’m fine,” Jake told him, clearly unaware that he couldn't care less. “I came to the conclusion that Dave was on his right to do that,” Dirk raised his eyebrows, expectantly. Jake looked ashamed. “Rox and Jane also think like him. They have told me several times before. And they are right, I have been unnecessarily rough to you… that’s why I came here. I would like to apologize, for everything.”

Dirk was no longer sure if he was out of words because Jake’s idea of ‘the next logical step’ was going to his house without further notice, or because he had finally understood that he needed to apologize... after three months of not even looking at him in the eye.

“I appreciate that… sentiment,” Dirk said carefully. “But I’m not sure there’s anything left to talk. You’ve made yourself pretty clear and-”

Suddenly Jake moved.

Dirk didn’t have the chance to step back. Soon, his face was being cupped by Jake’s hands as he kissed him.

Dirk answered to the kiss out of instinct, but he couldn’t fully understand the situation until several minutes later, when his tongue was far into Jake’s mouth and he felt his erection pressing against his leg.

He felt the urge to stop everything and ask Jake what the hell was going on. He knew that shouldn't be happening, and he knew that Jake of all people didn't deserve to do whatever the hell he was doing without being forced to answer some questions first.

But he had the feeling that their current embrace was the last thing they were going to share.

Besides, there wasn't anyone home at the moment, and temptation is known to be a ruthless bitch.

So he shut up and took it.

Or took him, rather. He interrupted the kiss and grabbed him by the wrist to drag him inside the apartment, into his bedroom. They took off each other’s clothes and glasses as they climbed onto the bed, almost in a rush.

The less they thought about it, the better.

********

It was raw.

It was automatic and driven by urges. Dirk couldn’t remember having any other sex encounter like that one. When they were together, they would usually be silly and playful during sex, and they would talk during the act and kiss sometimes. But not this time around.

This time it was only desperate touches, tongues sliding through necks and lips, hands holding onto strands of hair and clawing onto skin. A lot of heavy breathing and occasionally low and hoarse moans.

Dirk knew he was being more aggressive than usual, but he didn’t care. He liked it, even. His sex-drive seemed to be fed by his resentment of the past few months, so he felt particularly pleased while pushing Jake’s face against the pillow and grabbing him by the hair to keep him down.

He loved the groan he let go, followed by a whimper when he pulled up his hips towards his. Jake was rarely the bottom, and Dirk had never subdued him until now. As Dirk pushed his fingers inside Jake and heard him react to them, he told himself he had been missing out big time.

He fucked him. Just like that. It was not having sex or making love, how he would normally call it in his head. This time it felt completely different.

He made him keep his head down the whole time as he thrusted into him against the mattress, hard and steady. He could hear him gasping and whimpering, he saw him pulling bedsheets and the pillow cases, but he wasn’t complaining.

So he kept going.

********

 

____

 

“It was never going to work out, was it?”

Dirk whispered that in a tone of resignation, his eyes set on the ceiling.

They were lying in bed next to each other, sweaty and naked, but past the agitation and lack of breath from their improvised encounter.

Jake didn’t reply. He was looking at the ceiling too.

Dirk could feel the sadness coming back.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he said, narrowing his eyes and sighing. “I get why you left me. I was always so afraid that you would, that I acted like a psychotic weirdo most of the time. It shouldn't have surprised me when it actually happened.”

“I’m sorry too,” Jake's voice was low, and it had a gloomy tune to it. “I handled the drama very poorly. I was callous, and treated you badly for no reason. And I shouldn’t have disappeared like that. But... I just didn't know what to do. I mistakenly thought it would be easier to act like everything was okay.”

Dirk felt his eyes burning. He had imagined that conversation and the way it would go a million times. This version wasn’t as bitter as the one he had pictured, but it did hurt more.

“I'm so fucking sorry, Dirk. I know I don’t deserve it, but can you forgive me?”

Dirk bit back his tongue.

Regardless of all the pain, and the miscommunication, and the passive-aggressiveness… he didn’t want to give up on him.

“Yeah... of course.”

He closed his eyes.

He knew it was unhealthy and wrong to hold onto the debris of a relationship, but nothing had ever made him feel more alive than loving Jake.

He wanted to think he would be able to find peace by forgiving and forgetting.

“Thank you,” Dirk couldn’t see him, but he heard the appreciation in his voice. Then he heard him shift his position in the bed and sigh. “I’m sorry for this too… for, not controlling myself, I mean. I hope you don’t hate me for it.”

“I don’t,” he simply answered. He didn’t want to regret it after all. “It’s okay.”

“I know it was crackers, and probably very wrong on my part…” Jake insisted. “But I wanted to make sure I was right.”

“...What do you mean ‘right’?”

Something was telling him he was going to regret that question. Jake took a second to reply, like if he wasn't sure if he should say it.

“That I do love you. That I missed being with you.”

Regret stabbed just once, deep and hard. Dirk’s jaw tightened. He was not ready to hear that.

“I’m sorry that it took me so long to understand that I’m not an emotional individual,” Jake said, steady but very quietly. “I don’t dwell on romanticism, and I certainly don’t crave intimacy that much.”

Dirk was aware of that, but it was unusual for Jake to open up like that. He couldn’t even respond to him, although mostly because of the knot in his throat. 

 

Jake probably knew. It didn’t look like he had been waiting for an answer.

“I feel like that’s a dealbreaker for both of us,” Dirk still had his eyes closed, but he could tell he was looking in his direction. “Because you aren’t like me. You want all those things in a relationship... and I can’t give them to you. I just… can’t be like that.”

Dirk opened his eyes, feeling the tears trapped inside his eye-sockets immediately escaping from the corner of his eyes, down his temples. He tried to swallow slowly despite the discomfort in his throat.

 

**[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZxo9mrWgR8) **

 

“I know.”

He did.

He always did.

He felt Jake grabbing his hand, hesitantly. He let him, and then laced their fingers together.

“I’m really sorry.”

 

God, it hurt. 

 

“...I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and commenting　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> Truth be told, that last bit was not supposed to be there. 
> 
> I was going to post it as part of the next chapter, but it made more sense to me to clear up the whole situation to follow [the main fic's story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7899019/chapters/18043840) accordingly. 
> 
> Side 1 was fluffliness / Side 2 was sads
> 
> Side 3 is a bit of both. It'll be a little while before we get to that though.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed Side 2.
> 
> xo.Ro.


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